When God Calls, He Equips
“I purchased your Unit Study paper at the 1994 convention and read through it thoroughly. I love that approach, basing your studies on History and tying everything else in with that. It seems so logical and unified. My struggle is with the time involved in doing that. Let me explain: I have 3 children—7, 4 and 21 months. My struggle is that the 4-year-old and toddler have trouble playing alone, the 2nd grader balks at learning, the toddler acts like a total pest when I try to read to the 2 older ones on the couch (continually gets into things, throws toys, climbs where shouldn’t go, etc.) so the reading is habitually interrupted. The 4-year-old only wants to watch videos. He just doesn’t want to play with anything (and I have some creative toys, too). If he should play with something, the play only lasts 5-15 minutes, then it’s on to something else. I get no ‘time’ to teach my older one. I am barely coping, Candy. Is this just what to expect when you have 3 children, 7 and under? I end up trying so hard keeping the younger 2 happy and supplied with things to do, it seems I’m always popping up and down from teaching the older one! It’s so frustrating!
“Well, I read over your handout, and I struggle, as I said, with the amount of time involved. For example, you said you use the library a lot (that requires trips in the car, strapping and unstrapping 3 children); you drove around St. Louis looking at architecture (with all 3 in the car as well?); you thoroughly cover each chapter of Heather’s textbook (when? late at night? I can hardly read anything without being interrupted a zillion times); you read the newspaper travel section (I never had time to read the Sunday paper! I got around to it the following Thursday, so we cancelled it!), magazine articles (when do you find time to peruse magazines? I’m struggling to just read a morning devotional/Bible and keep up with my homeschool magazines, and all the pro-family literature that comes to our home); you go through the PBS guide, through the Library’s travelogue video schedule and all her other texts to fit it all together … when?
“Then, you go through all these folders you’ve color-coded by subject (that takes time to cut out articles, file them, sift through them all when needed); you visit the Art Museum and take advantage of their hands-on suitcases (another trip in the car, pick up the item, pile everyone out, pick it up, pile back in), return home, use it and drive it back again. It seems this method requires an awful lot of car trips. Are you a high-energy person? Do you sleep at all, very little? And you still feel rested and patient and joyful? It seems that a lot of time and effort goes into unit studies, but you still also have to teach math and phonics/reading to the younger ones, and read fun books to the toddlers and non-readers on the side, right?
“Where are your other children, Candy, when you’re doing all this running/filing/sorting/reading/planning etc.? I seem to be in demand constantly—tying shoes, drinks of water, wiping buns, wiping noses, breaking up arguments, disciplining, rebuking, ‘Help me with this,’ ‘Help me with that,’ ‘Read me a book,’ ‘Fix this toy,’ etc. I can hardly sit down to pay some bills or balance a checkbook without being in demand/interrupted several times, much less reading a text or something else involved! And it’s not like I’m an unorganized person, Candy! Many of my friends were/are amazed at my organization capabilities and ask me my secrets! I just can’t seem to keep the house clean anymore (clutter I try to keep to a minimum, but dusting, forget it!) Or attempt to make anything but the most simple dinner meals (I’m so repetitive) and decorating the house is out of the question! My toddler won’t even leave refrigerator artwork alone, much less something artistic within his reach! I need shelves all around the perimeter of my house, 5 feet high or so. We don’t have enough high places to keep things out of his reach.
“A priority of mine is listening to KSIV to keep up on issues affecting families and Christians. I try to read all the info these ministries send and act on it when possible, by writing/calling our congressmen. I feel this is important because if I’m not part of the solution, I’m part of the problem.
“You put in all this work on homeschooling, Candy, I just don’t know how you do all your domestic work so well: do laundry, cook super meals, decorate your home, maintain your relationship with Jon, write newsletters and articles, give seminars, be Regional Directors and support group leaders, stay close to the Lord with Bible study, and pay attention to and play with the little ones. How do you do all this? Everyone looks at you as ‘Wonder Woman’ and we all compare ourselves to you. I just don’t know how you accomplish so much when I can’t even keep my carpets vacuumed and my kitchen floor mopped!”
Here is my answer:
First of all, you must never, ever compare your life with anyone else’s life. Each of us is wonderfully created and unique in every way. Honeybees and draft horses each fulfill very important but very different roles in God’s kingdom. I am not a Wonder Woman, but a woman like you, sharing the same Wonderful God. Homeschoolers tell us that we make everything look so easy—we don’t, God does. When God calls, He equips. Our life is hard, endless work as we daily sacrifice our desires for God’s purpose. I have absolutely no time to devote to myself, and Jon and I have only been out together three times in the last three years because all of our energy is spent on His commission. Just like us, you are devoting all your energy towards God’s commission—His greatest—raising godly children. So what’s the answer? “Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light” (Matt. 11:29,30). Like oxen, we have taken on God’s yoke, and although we have a lot to pull, because we are yoked to the Master, the load is easier. Our souls are at rest, and that’s what makes everything we do look easy. We know God created us for His purpose. We do not question our Owner who paid dearly for us, but pull together in the direction He calls. That is the other key—pulling together. Jon and I are perfectly yoked together—not that we didn’t try to pull away in our own direction when we were first married, but we learned from our gentle Master who taught us His ways and the importance of pulling together. Neither of us could pull the load alone, and each of us works equally hard for the end goal—obedience to God.
Once when Jon was a young boy, while hunting with his friend, one of them wounded a deer and for hours chased after that prize, up and down the Ozark mountains. After about the first couple of hours they became tired, and when they began climbing yet another mountain one boy would become discouraged and want to give up, but the other would encourage him on. And then at the next mountain, the other one would want to give up, and the other would encourage them on until they caught the prize deer and carried it home. That’s what Jon and I do for each other. We’re broken in body and weary, but we encourage each other to press ahead towards the mark, the prize, until we reach our heavenly home.
Sharing the common goal—obedience to God’s calling, pulling together and sharing the load, and encouraging each other up and down the mountains is how we maintain our marriage. We’re headed in the same direction and help each other along as we go. We try to do everything together from attending meetings to grocery shopping, and no matter what the task, we dig in and help each other. If Jon’s building fence, I’m by his side hammering too. If I need help in the house, Jon doesn’t hesitate to give a helping hand. When emotional strength is needed, we run to each other’s side. We consult one another and talk to each other about everything so when one of us says, “I feel or I think,” it certainly means “we” as the two of us have become one.
There are times, however, when the workload gets to be too much, and like you, we have cried out for help. Even with our children’s tremendous help, work just kept piling up. So finally, out of desperation, I cried out to God for help and within two days, God sent a homeschooling mom to help us catch up with phone calling and paperwork, a leader’s mom to fold more flyers, volunteers for the conference, a homeschooling dad with our yard work, and others saying, “How can we help you guys?” God is always faithful to help His children! Call upon Him, and He will meet your needs. Remember, it is God who equips, and it is He who uses our weaknesses to prove His strength.
How do I find time to keep my house? Well, let me first say that I don’t keep it the way I would like. My windows don’t get washed as often as I’d like, I never get my wash done, I always have several large Rubbermaid containers of paperwork stacked up, and I’m constantly straightening to keep order in a house filled with a constant barrage of paperwork, extra clothes from the country, extra kids at play, and constant traffic from drop-in guests. I am, as you suspected, a high-energy person, although my June operation and subsequent birth took their toll. I stay up until about 2:00 each morning to finish my work. And although I don’t have time for pleasure reading, writing, or relaxing, I do take pleasure in cleaning and decorating my home for my family. I like scrubbing floors. I like vacuuming. I like cleaning as my mother did. Therefore, my attitude makes cleaning enjoyable, easy, and quick. Decorating, too, comes easy because my parents surrounded me with their creative ingenuities. We all are creative because we were made in the image of our Creator, but few have been blessed with parents who cultivated and encouraged that creativity. That is why it is so important for me to share creative ideas and encourage your creativity that has been stifled all these years. Your children will have it easier, and their children will create naturally because of your efforts now.
The same holds true in loving children and child rearing. I counsel with so many moms who ask me to help them love their children. Why should something so natural be so difficult? Because the relationships most daughters have with their mothers are greatly flawed, because their mother’s relationship with their own mothers was unnatural. It is a vicious generational cycle that must be broken. How? By first praying and asking God to teach you how to be the loving parent He intended; by emulating His ways, “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness” (Ps. 103:8). “In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight” (Prov. 3:6).
A loving mother is the most vital ingredient in creating a self-confident, loving, content offspring, and that most certainly begins at birth. When God places His little bundle of joy in our arms, He expects us to love them and fulfill all their needs. Babies are totally helpless and totally dependent on us for all their needs. When they cry, they need something—nourishment, a dry diaper, company, love, or comfort for a weary body, upset tummy, frightened spirit, or lonely soul. My mother never let me cry. She always gently scooped me up in her arms and met my needs as I do with my own babies. I was never demanding or whiny, neither are my children because of the loving foundation my mother built. I constantly hold my babies, caress their heads and cheeks, cuddle their bodies close to mine, and kiss them constantly. I also talk to my babies constantly throughout the day, intermingled with constant smiles and plenty of sweet tickles and squeezes.
Never do I question God’s presence or His love because of my mother’s constant love and attentiveness. I am happy, content, and confident in all things because of my mother’s never ending cord of love. A loving spirit is a clear result of a loving mother who listened to her heart and built her home with diligent, gentle, loving hands.
This relationship should continue right through toddlerhood and childhood. Someday, not too long from now, your heart will ache for your man son to be that inquisitive, active toddler again. You’ll probably even cry after him with “Come back and mess up the house so I can happily follow you around and lovingly clean up after you—just once more, Dear Heart.” But he won’t hear you, because he will be too busy conquering life’s mountains and building his own home. Tomorrow is on its way and can’t be stopped, so cherish today. I cherish each moment that I’m constantly in demand tying shoes, wiping bottoms, wiping noses, getting drinks, teaching, and fulfilling, “Mama, help me,” “Read me a book,” “Fix my toy.” These are truly the best years of a mother’s life. Enjoy them. Allow your heart to be captured by your children’s adorable sweet faces. Marvel at their inquisitive minds and energetic bodies. Bask in the warmth of their unconditional and overflowing love. When your perspective changes, tending to the daily needs of young children becomes a joy and delight and as natural as breathing. You won’t look at your children as being pests and won’t consider their needs as interruptions but as blessings.
Training begins at birth. As we love and smile and meet a baby’s needs, we are developing a sweet disposition and compliant heart. As we hold the baby while tending to household responsibilities, they are learning all about the joy of work, patience, and order. As they sit on our laps while we read to the older ones or while playing a game, they are learning to watch, listen, and sit still.
The same holds true with toddlers. Your toddler isn’t trying to be a “pest”; he’s just trying out different behaviors that you must applaud or replace. For a season, following him around and consistently showing him how to act is essential. A toddler needs a lot of room for exploration, with few, but definite limitations. Gentleness and constancy are the keys. Refrigerator artwork is “prettee,” and he needs to know the value of it. Have him create some of his own masterpieces and hang up for all to see. Climbing over and through boxes and chairs is great fun, but furniture is off limits. Dumping is natural for toddlers, but you must teach him to pick up, which can be just as much fun if you enjoy it. Yes, it takes a lot of time, effort, and patience, but your diligence will be blessed.
When you’re reading to the 7-year-old, have the toddler sit quietly in your lap or on the floor with his own books. Setting a regular quiet time each day is essential. Begin by sitting him on a quilt with a few toys and have him stay there for a few minutes at first, then increase a few minutes each day until he can sit quietly for the entire time you read to the older child. Also, use a daily nap as your time to teach the older child. Routine must be instilled by you.
Spanking may sometimes be necessary if a child is openly defiant or disrespectful, but don’t wait until you’ve had enough. Never spank out of anger. Always calmly take the child upon your knees and spank on the padded bottom. Counting and yelling are like trying to drive a car with the horn. Children must learn to respond to your first request; don’t condition them to respond after you’ve screamed for the last time. Timeouts are also ridiculous for a toddler. Spanking is biblical and essential, but if used properly, will rarely need to be administered.
Videos for your 4-year-old are fine once in a while, but the more children watch videos the more time they want to spend in front of the television. Play with your 4-year-old, helping him expand his imagination and direct his attentions. Some children are less imaginative than others and need constant direction. Give him what he needs. Also incorporate him in with your art, music, history, science, reading, and math studies. He will probably love the attention and will feel like a big guy to be a part of your school.
The library is a part of our week, and yes, when my children were younger it meant strapping and unstrapping, but it takes so little time and is just a part of life’s responsibilities. And yes, all of my children were involved in our trips. They enjoy outings and so do I, because I was consistent in teaching them how to behave. It just takes constant, gentle training. You must resolve to change your perspective and your lifestyle and begin practicing every day. Go over rules before you begin your outing, continue to encourage, praise, and teach as you’re out. But, if outings are just too much for you alone, plan them when your husband can go along.
Your most important job right now is training up your children and making your house a pleasant home. Let your husband do the bills, balance the checkbook, and read through your Christian literature. Then he can share the important issues with you. Ask him to take the children to the park once a week to give you some time alone. Resolve to do whatever it takes so you and your husband are pulling the load together.
Unit studies may appeal to you but may not be best for you right now. Don’t be discouraged. Just remember that there are all kinds of seasons in our lives, and we must adjust accordingly. My teaching has totally lacked creativity lately, but I know this is just a season, and soon, once again, we will be sharing fun, adventuresome, academic excursions. Right now your toddler needs extra supervision, your 4-year-old needs direction, and your 7-year-old needs some basics. Write down your goals and commit to working on one at a time. You can still work towards unit studies by building up your own resources and making plans for the future. Then when possible, implement some creative activities to enhance your studies, working towards full implementation when time allows.
My resources did not accumulate overnight, but are a result of years of collecting. I actually have enough to last our lifetime and depend much less on outside sources except for the places I can’t duplicate. I take a week or so to plan out a year’s worth of history adding thoughts and activities as we go along. Maybe your husband could play with the children in the evening after dinner so you have some uninterrupted time to plan.
Don’t worry about the dust. Even when I do dust, an hour later everything needs it again. Concentrate on raising those children to be obedient, godly children. Be content in your circumstances knowing that the only thing you can take with you to heaven is your children. Look at those precious children through God’s eyes. He has called you to raise them for Him—He will equip you to fulfill His calling.
Dearest Moms,
How much we love you and appreciate your hard work and dedication in fulfilling God’s greatest commission—raising godly children. Daily sacrificing your own lives for the welfare of your children, your gentle, loving hands are diligently raising a royal priesthood for God’s throne room. Many of you have struggled and overcome great obstacles from your past to give your children the home you didn’t have. Some of you are struggling now with your finances, your families, and your health. All of you are working hard to complete the race. We have been honored to grow with you and your kids—to be a part of your lives. We jump up and down to cheer you on and kneel before God to pray for each of you. You are precious in our sight.
Love, Jon and Candy
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